Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
