smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
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Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
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I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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