So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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