so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
