That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
