I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
