I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize