awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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