if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Mom said you looked used
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
