Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
