How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
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He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
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is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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