She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
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Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
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It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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