He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
