I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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