he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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