Banned from zoo.
Again?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
