Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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