Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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