3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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