Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
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the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
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I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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