Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
