why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
