I think i sorta joined a cult last night
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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