Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
