And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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