Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
