yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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