he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
