Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize