ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
