She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
