Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
