life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
