I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
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So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
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I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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