Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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