mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
