words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
