I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
