wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I licked your asshole in confidence.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
