Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
