I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
