O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
