somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
