Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
