It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
