hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
