Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
