How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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