She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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