I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
