she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
