Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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