Jerry, you need to find god
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I checked into jail on foursquare
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
