I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
