i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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