Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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