Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
