If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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