Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
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Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
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Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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